Hello, World....what I have been doing

I know I said I would blog but life has been utterly overwhelming the last few years with returning to school for my Master's Degree. The Lord has blessed me with so many blessings during this time. I am enjoying a little time off before I start back on Monday with school. The program I choose for my degree has been utterly wonderful. Liberty University is awesome program and uses the Lord throughout its curriculum as a focus. Love that fact. My kids are growing up so fast and so many changes every year. This upcoming year will see even more changes than anything more but I think for the best in the end. Elizabeth has settled into a routine for a online charter school which is excellent for her. She is learning and developing more skills everyday. Brendan, my wonderful and loving child, he is growing up so fast...he is a reading independently finally...he is always so busy and learning new things and trying more new things. He is growing socially and desires to make new friends all the time. I enjoy seeing this desire but it pains me as a mom seeing him struggle to figure out so many things about why and how the world works. Our kids have so much to learn but they must learn it some time. All one can do as mom is try to explain how the world can be such an amazing world but cruel at the same time. Thank the Lord He is there to guide us through and usually gives me the words to explain in mannerism that is understandable to my boy. He is so full of life and definitely embraces life on his beat and perspective. My children are my wonderful blessing from our Lord and the challenges that each present have taught me so much about myself that I can only wonder what the next few years will bring. Have you ever felt under attack from the world for your beliefs? Do not worry, I know that many do share my beliefs but many do not seem to live where I live. I struggle with so many things everyday? I am so conservative it seems difficult to find someone to share my beliefs with and innermost thoughts. I miss my friends dearly that moved away a couple years ago...my heart is still with them even though I do not get to talk to them near enough or see them. I hope one day soon the Lord will provide me with a friend locally that I confide my insecurities with that is secure in the Lord and find companionship when I feel lonely and isolated. My Lord has been there during many of these lonely times but the human side of me still desires that contact with a human, occasionally. One wonderful thing that has occurred while seeking this degree in counseling I have been forced to look into many dark places of my soul and face many family and personal demons. It has caused me to vanquish many old ghosts but I have had to do it with the Lord as my companion because there has been to much to bear for any one human. I could never say this in person because I am so proud so maybe putting it out in the world this way will let me move on to new and bigger blessings. Hears to the future of many wonderful and unknown blessings to come in our Lord!!!!!!!!!!

Journaling as a blessing.

I have been praying for a way to find the Lord's joy again. It seems of late that I have found it difficult to find. Since I have been doing this blog I have found it again. Praise the Lord. I use to journal to work through my feelings. Maybe this is my way of journaling and letting everything go to the Lord. Whatever it takes. Yesterday, was a good day. It was normal Valentine's day. I stopped expecting great things years ago. I have been disappointed by setting my expectations to high. So I have learned I get more pleasantly surprised when I treat it like a normal day. Sad to some but true. Personally, I have come to the thinking that Love should just not be one day a year but every day of the year. Between the love of my Lord and the love my family I have plenty each day. I made my husbands favorite dinner last night for him. It is ham and candied yams. He ate to much and made himself miserable. You would think by 40 something that you would learn when to say when. LOL Who am I to judge. He was pleasant and nice which is good for him. He usually comes home grumpy and tired even if I lay out a feast. We have been doing a study of Esther at the bible study that I go to. Today was good the Lord reminded that we all fall short till he calls us to our turning point. I always fall short of every second of every day. I try to do all that I do in his name and amazingly I always find his grace when I fall extremely short of it. I am so grateful for his son who died for our sins which allows to have this relationship with our Lord. He just lifts up my concerns and burdens them for me. That is such a huge blessing in itself. The trick is learning to trust the Lord to take these issues and let him have them and all work out in his time. It took a lot to get me to trust. I am stubborn and it takes more than a holy 2"x 4". I need a holy 4" x 6" at least. LOL I need to help my son do his math. Everyone have blessed wonderful day in our Lord.

Family blessings

I love my family blessings especially on days like today. I gave my kids their Valentine's and Elizabeth was thank you and so was Brendan. He did something different today. He asked why did he get the candy. Does not sound like much to someone out there but why is whole new level of cognitive thinking and reasoning. Sometimes I wondered if he would ever reach and he has. Most kids start using why around three and four. Brendan really did not. How he uses it I know he really understands what he is asking. At least, he does not ask why over and over again. You explain and that is that. Okay. Which is nice. My parents are greatest, they took us out to Round Table last night and dinner was great and fun. Elizabeth she is hilarious. Last year, I could barely get her in a church and now she is shoving me out of bed to get me to church this morning I am enjoying this while it lasts. My days are numbered. Pre-teen is about to start. I need to get ready to go take care and have blessed day. I will try to write more later.

Daily struggles to change my thinking

I have been praying for I think the Lord wants me to reveal in my daily or semi-daily blogs. I keep being pushed to my daily struggle to change on how I think of my spouse. It is difficult to keep from old patterns on moment to moment basis but it some days are easier than like the days he works. LOL For years, I have thought of Jonathan as a headache to be quite frank. To me he was only good for a paycheck because we had so many issues. Some I needed to work and some were his issues. We have worked through most of the big ones. Do not get me wrong we still have issues aplenty but we both need to change how we approach them. I read a book last year about how to take my son's challenges as a blessing instead of a curse which was a wonderful book. It did open my eyes to accept my son's challenges as a blessing without him he wouldn't be the silly, cocky boy who loves life. I have been feeling a pull that this is a way that I need to think of my husband. When he is having one of his anger moments that I need to cherish him and let him know that instead of adding fuel to the fire. Trust me easier said than done. I need to let him that I love him and appreciate him. See these are things that I long from him and still do not receive in ways that I acknowledge that are showing them. He thinks by working 40 hours and doing a couple loads of laundry while complaining the whole time that I should drop down and worship him. See that is my old thinking. That he does things because he does not want to lose me to another man that he cherishes me enough to do these things even though he complains because on some level he wants to please me. This is the only way he knows how to because of how he was raised. He was not raised to show affection but the opposite they yelled quite loudly might I add to get their opinions heard not talked about it like a normal family and still function that way till this day. Jon has come a long way on this issue in the past few years. I need to go the daycare kids are here. Everyone have a blessed day.

Frustrating days are a blessing in so many ways

First, it lets me know that I am still alive to be driven up the wall.
Second, it lets me know that I still have a heart to care enough to be frustrated.
Third, it gives me a chance to practice me giving things to the Lord like we all need to do.
Fourth, it lets me grow in the word as is needed in to do everyday in my life that the Lord has granted me.
Fifth, I get to be grateful to have my kids and that they are healthy enough to drive me up the wall. LOL