Daily struggles to change my thinking

I have been praying for I think the Lord wants me to reveal in my daily or semi-daily blogs. I keep being pushed to my daily struggle to change on how I think of my spouse. It is difficult to keep from old patterns on moment to moment basis but it some days are easier than like the days he works. LOL For years, I have thought of Jonathan as a headache to be quite frank. To me he was only good for a paycheck because we had so many issues. Some I needed to work and some were his issues. We have worked through most of the big ones. Do not get me wrong we still have issues aplenty but we both need to change how we approach them. I read a book last year about how to take my son's challenges as a blessing instead of a curse which was a wonderful book. It did open my eyes to accept my son's challenges as a blessing without him he wouldn't be the silly, cocky boy who loves life. I have been feeling a pull that this is a way that I need to think of my husband. When he is having one of his anger moments that I need to cherish him and let him know that instead of adding fuel to the fire. Trust me easier said than done. I need to let him that I love him and appreciate him. See these are things that I long from him and still do not receive in ways that I acknowledge that are showing them. He thinks by working 40 hours and doing a couple loads of laundry while complaining the whole time that I should drop down and worship him. See that is my old thinking. That he does things because he does not want to lose me to another man that he cherishes me enough to do these things even though he complains because on some level he wants to please me. This is the only way he knows how to because of how he was raised. He was not raised to show affection but the opposite they yelled quite loudly might I add to get their opinions heard not talked about it like a normal family and still function that way till this day. Jon has come a long way on this issue in the past few years. I need to go the daycare kids are here. Everyone have a blessed day.